Lessons in love

Love actually abounds in Columbia. Valentine’s Day reminds young and old that love makes the world go ’round. But what keeps the prime mover — love itself — going? The Missourian sent four reporters looking for love, and they returned with tales of devotion from four Columbia couples, each doing its best to keep this love-driven globe spinning.

“After love, tolerance is most important.”

Dennis and Janet Dierker

The first time Dennis and Janet Dierker met, almost 40 years ago, their relationship was purely clinical. Dennis, who grew up in Concordia, had recently started a medical practice in Janet’s hometown of Lebanon, Mo. Janet had been teaching in Tucson, Ariz., and came home before going to graduate school. She asked her sister to make a doctor’s appointment so she could get a health form filled out for school, and her sister thought it would be fun for Janet to see Dennis, the new doctor in town.

“That was when we first met,” Dennis recalled last week, “but I didn’t really think anything of it.”

Not long after, Dennis and Janet met again at a United Church of Christ picnic. They discovered they had been at church camp at the same time in junior high but had never met.

“That was in August, and then we had a date or so before I came up to the university in the fall,” Janet said.

They continued to date, seeing each other when Janet was home on weekends and when Dennis visited her at school on his days off. One night at Christmas time, Dennis slipped a ring into Janet’s coat pocket. They were married the following June. Both were 28.

The Dierkers have a difficult time pinpointing when they knew they were in love. Janet suspects she first knew when she realized she didn’t want to go back to Tucson. Dennis said he had an inner feeling. Both are sure the feeling was obvious.

“The spark is there,” Janet said. “You just know.”

After nearly four decades of marriage, the Dierkers say they have a quiet, strong relationship. They do simple things to keep their love alive. Janet cooks foods that Dennis likes to eat. They play with their grandchildren. When the weather is nice, they spend their leisure time outside, riding bikes, traveling, hiking and working in the yard. They also volunteer with the Columbia TreeKeepers program.

“You each have to have your own interests and be able to do those, but I think it helps to have things you enjoy doing together,” Janet said.

For the Dierkers, the key to maintaining their relationship is the effort they put into it. Communication, understanding and flexibility are essential to a marriage, they said.

“After love, tolerance is most important,” Dennis said. Janet has been understanding in many ways, he said, particularly in putting up with the sometimes long hours of his job as a doctor.

For Janet, selflessness is an important factor in a strong marriage.

“Your spouse should always come first,” she said.

— Kate Carpenter